As American as Apple Pie


As American as Apple Pie

"I'm laughing because if they, if they ever worried about the risk of seeming peevish and small-minded, I haven't noticed it. I mean, if they, if Barack Obama came out and said, 'You know, I really love apple pie,' they would say, 'Apple pie is a socialist plot.'" Howard Fineman of Huffington Post, on MSNBC's "Hardball," 21 August 2011


    $2.1 billion dollars of devalued General Motors stock,
    1 part each of desiccated Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac,
    1 heaping teaspoon virgin health care insurance mandates and exchanges,
    3/4 part of well sieved Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation,
    1 tablespoon frigid water from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and
    1 tablespoon tepid water from the Huffington Post.

    7 endorsements by the CPUSA,
    2 tablespoons on- or off-balance sheet obligations,
    1 cup granulated Amtrack and Conrail,
    1/4 cup all-purpose Pension Benefits Guaranty Corporation,
    1 teaspoon fatty Overseas Private Investment Corporation,
    1/4 teaspoon each, kinetic military action in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and Libya,
    2 tablespoons Oil of Moore,
    1 gallon of red ink, and
    Repeated infusion of "...when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody."

    1. In a dust bowl, combine losing assets; quickly cut in campaign rhetoric with a sharp tongue. Gradually add cold lingering unemployment, 1 clump at a time, toss lightly with a fork until dough forms bubbling deficits. Chill for 30 months or more. On a hard surface, rollover half the dough into new non-collateralized bonds. Any liquidity should be removed and strained through a Solyndra panel. Place into Representative William Jefferson's New Orleans refrigerator to retrieve during a flood.
    2. In a begging bowl, toss dollar-denominated debt with coarse SEIU salt. Combine endorsements, obligations, granulated railroads, PBGC and OPRC; add to debt and toss. Pour into a well- greased, crusty editorial; dot with Fineman and Oil of Moore. Roll out remaining pastry to fit top of nation; cut slits in top. Place over filling; seal and pinch edges. Beat red ink and inflate with price rises; brush over any complaints. Bake fast and furious at 425 degrees until crust is brittle and filling is bubbly. Serve with Joe Biden's tangy BFD spicy sauce.


Copyright © 2011  Gary Bachlund    All international rights reserved.